Monkey on a dog-horse

It was sent by my friend Dan, whose wise words ("Never, ever interrupt a man when he's making a cunt of himself") are a source of constant comfort in these troubling times. In fact, it is number one in my List Of How To Work With People:

1. Never, ever interrupt a man when he's making a cunt of himself
Wankers, idiots, the political, the whining, the dishonest and the manipulative constantly reveal themselves, whether they want to or not. This means you have no need to reveal them, or indeed get worked up about it - which is very good news!!

2. Listen to what people mean, not what they're saying.
This is probably in one of those Who Moved My Cheese books, but I do not care: it is very useful. (As is, in fact, listening generally - something that the young people are not able to do anymore, as they have been brought up by stupid parents who told them from the time that they were a tiny child that everything they said was important.

This is not true. Most of the things most people say are not important and most people won't listen to you most of the time. The sooner you realise that, the easier your life will be.)

3. Most people are idiots
Poor them. Be nice.

4. Most people mean to do the right thing even if they are annoying
Also true.

5. Treat everyone the same
For me this means I treat the managing director like the receptionist, but seeing as I treat her like I would treat anyone that is OK. Also it means that the managing director gets to order couriers for me and (occasionally!) send stuff overseas, which he likes.

6. Try not to shout, cry, tell me I'm a cunt, blame everyone else, be accusatory, not take any personal responsibility, etc
Particularly try not to do all of them at the same time whilst asking something from me. It will not work!!

7. Have good manners
If you do this everything else is easy.