Sunday, February 17, 2008

Day 577: I Remember The Songs Of My Childhood

I am in the kitchen squirting lemon juice onto a chicken whilst chanting in a low style:

"Easy peasey Japanesey
Wash your face with lemon squeezy."


I look up. The pathologist with whom I live looks as if he would like to perform an autopsy on my brain to see if it is made of feathers.

It is the morning! We are chewing at our breakfast like beavers at fresh logs. "I like your plum jam", yelps the pathologist, through a mouthful of cheese and marmalade*. I start to sing:

"There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall
Where the men can see them all."


"It is a song of my childhood!", I mutter, picking cranberries out of my teeth. "Very good", says the pathologist.

I am not interested in the various versions of "Happy Birthday To You" (e.g., "You live in a zoo/You smell like a monkey/And you look like one too"; or "Squashed bananas and stew/Bread and butter in the gutter", or indeed "You smell like a poo", my personal favourite), but I would very much like to know where the ghastly 'Easy peasy Japanesey' came from (true facts only please, not speculation), and if you have any childhood songs of your own that you would like to share with the group.

Finally, I offer you a poem that you probably will not know, for it was (or so he claimed) made up by my grandfather:

"The elephant is a pretty bird
It hops from twig to twig
It lays its nest in a rhubarb tree
And whistles like a pig."


**UPDATE**

MonkeyMother reminds me (via the medium of the comment box) of the strange song my Yorkshire grandfather (not the one with the elephant bird) used to sing:

"Who's that knocking at the window?
Who's that knocking at the door?
If it's Johnson with his pies
Then we'll give him two black eyes
And he won't come knocking anymore."


This, in turn, reminds me of two other rhymes my mother (and her mother) would recite (this is how I remember them; I've looked for them on the Google and they are always different - the Willy one is attributed/misattributed/not attributed to Ogden Nash, but as far as I'm concerned my Granny had them in her head, and that will do for me):

"Willy, in the best of sashes
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes
Now, although the room grows chilly
No-one likes to poke poor Willy."


This would often be swiftly followed by:

"'Quick, quick, the cat's been sick!'
'Where, where?' 'Over there!'
'Hasten, hasten, fetch a basin!'
'Too late, the carpet's in a terrible state'."


And both might preceed the recital of A.A.Milne's The King's Breakfast, recited (from memory) whilst we were in the bath. (I strongly recommend reading The King's Breakfast out loud in sonorous tones if you are a bit drunk. It is very entertaining, and I have never known why.)

And finally: does anyone know where "Pass the sickbag, Alice", comes from? We say it about things that are very cheesy or nauseatingly cloy/sucky uppy, e.g. small children singing like grownups, people sucking up, TV tributes to the genius of someone a bit rubbish, etc.

* Interestingly, he is not able to only have one thing on his toast. He must combine, e.g. cheese + honey, or peanut butter + jam, or cheese + marmalade, etc.

71 comments:

Anonymous said...

My dear Monkey you don't want to open that can of festering maggots, believe you me. I was raised by a Folk Person (pity me, honestly, pity me) and so am cursed with a constant and irritating sound track brought up by the most innocent of things. What about "One flea fly flew up the flue" to the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic? Or the "Found a Peanut" song which my annoying sister and I adjusted so it can be sung forever and ever and ever... and then add in the fact that the only non-classical music in the house was a) a collection of Simon and Garfunkle (which I sang endlessly and soulfully - including that little-known classic "Hey, School Girl") b) a mixed lot of musicals (I rocked out to Cabaret baby) c) the classic recordings of Tom Lehrer (whom any American my age would recognize as the singer of the -l-y song) and d) every last damn Smothers Brothers recording out there. I. Am. FUCKED.

Anonymous said...

What I DO know - and I know this like the monkey knows its mother - is that the rhyme refers to a proprietary brand of dishwashing liquid, and should thus be rendered "Wash your face with/in Lemon Squezee". It is unlikely that this was ever an ad "jingle" (as we Planners say), thought it IS likely to have been accompanied with much unthinking racism, as children danced around playgrounds, pulling their eyes into longer shapes in gleeful accompaniment to the "Japanese-y" line...
Pip pip.

Anonymous said...

Lest she forget, one of NWM's favourites as a child, as taught by the other, saner grandfather, and to be sung with a Yorkshire accent:

Who's that knocking at the window?
Who's that knocking at the door?
If it's Johnson with his pies
Then we'll give him two black eyes
And he won't come knocking anymore.

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

Sweet Jesus! I am afraid this may be the best post ever, just because of the comments. MM, I am delighted by this and will make a point of singing it to the pathologist at dinner tonight; a dinner that he is only now fashioning from a number of ingredients bought from a shop that smelt of wee.

Megan - re. 'found a peanut ' come on, how did it go? (Were you aware of the awful story that goes like this: "It was a dark and stormy night and the little ones said: 'Father, tell us a story!', and this is how it went: It was a dark and stormy night, and the little ones said: 'Father, tell us a story!', and this is how it went .." etc etc ad nauseam ad infinitum and/or until someone throws a shoe at your head.)

Planner - Dicky, is that you?!!! Do say it is!!

Irene said...

In the Netherlands we sang this song as kids, and, of course, I will have to translate it and it will lose its rhyme.

White swans, black swans.
Who will come sailing to England?
England is locked up.
The key is broken.
Is there no smith in the country,
who can repair the key?

it is a very old song, but I don't know the history of it.

Anonymous said...

Ooh, that false memory syndrome again!

............ "Over there!"
"More, more, behind the door!
"Hasten .......
"Too late, too late, my carpet's in a dreadful state"

And what about:

"What's that, Mama" wee Willie cried
"That looks like strawberry jam?"
"Hush, hush, dear boy,
It's poor Papa
Run over by a tram"

I thank you! (pronounced as per Arthur Askey)

Unknown said...

My mum used to sing to me, as we drove around the windey lanes of Kinrosshire;

Can your granny go a bike,
in the middle of the night?
Do her tit's hang low?
Can you tie them in a bow?
toss the shoulder over

I hasten to add my grandmother hasn't been on a bike since being a grandmother and, as she told Mr Waterworth (her consultant) " she doesn't have enough up top to make a ham sandwich."

expat said...

On the theme of AA Milne and your favourite animal is this

Hush, hush, whisper who dares
Christopher Robin sits on the the stairs
Blood on the carpet
Hair on the mat
Christopher Robin's castrating the cat

Martin

Anonymous said...

Monkey, the Willy in the best of sashes one is by Harry Graham from Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes, which you would love:

John who road his Dunlop tyre
O'er the head of sweet Mariah
When she writhed in dreadful pain
Had to blow it up again

Anonymous said...

The Willy rhyme is actually:
"Willy, in one of his nice new sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes.
Now, although the room grows chilly
I haven't the heart to poke poor Willy"

It's early 20th century, written by a bloke called Harry Graham, and collected in "Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes". There are some crackers in there, but I haven't got the space or the brass neck to bore you with them.

My uncle's version of the cat poem was more direct:

"Listen, listen, the cat's pissing"
"Where? Where? " " Over there"
"Quick, quick, fetch a plate!"
Psssssssss. "Too late".

And Charlotte's granny's tit song is a fragment of something sung to the tune of the Sailor's Hornpipe:

"Do your tits hang low? Can you swing 'em to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?
When you bash 'em on the ceiling do you get a funny feeling?
Oh. you'll never be a sailor if your tits hang low".

Pass the sickbag, Alice - Private Eye, 1980's or thereabouts.

I have said enough. I must go and lie down.

(Posted by Misterig, who's forgotten his sodding password)

misterig said...

Well, if we're trotting out Harry Graham rhymes, try this:

Little Willy, with a roar
Nailed his sister to the floor.
Mother said, in accents faint
"Willy dear, do mind the paint".

(Remembered the password, thank goodness)

Miss Tickle said...

Blessed as I was with music hall obssessed grandmother, I offer:

Fish and chips,
Covered in golden batter,
Lovely on a summer's day,
You can smell them a mile away,
Oh the thought of them!
Oh the taste of them!
Makes you smack your lips
*lip smacking sound*
When you're bunging your hand in a big greasy bag full of fish and chips.

It has a tune. But I am unable to render it via this damned interweb!

Miss Tickle said...

Also, as my husband often recites(and possibly of interest to you geographically):

The Wendigo,
The Wendigo!
I saw it just a friend ago!
Last night it lurked in Canada;
Tonight, on your veranada!

apprentice said...

Oh I like your grandfather's stuff.
My Dad would sing to me:

Anna Banana from Ghana
Ate a piano
With a knife and fork
That came from New York
Anna Banana from Ghana!

Then I'd bite him on the ankles.....

Anonymous said...

Okay, you asked:

Found a peanut, found a peanut,
Found a PEAnut ju-ust now
Ju-ust now I found a peanut
Found a peanut ju-ust now

This really excellent pattern then repeats with:

Cracked it open
It was rotten
Ate it anyway
Got a stomach ache
Appendicitis!
Called the doctor
Died anyway
Went to heaven
Saw Saint Peter
Kicked an angel
Sent the other way
Kissed the devil
Back to earth again
AAAAAAND -
Found a peanut...

Now imagine that droned at high volume but two children in the back seat of a car whilst driving towards inner Kansas. Oh, and the tune is even more vile than you imagine.

However, for the Willy fans I give you, Tom Lehrer's Irish Ballad:

"About a maid I'll sing a song,
Rickity Tickity Tin
About a maid I'll sing a song
She did not keep her family long
Not only did she do them wroooooong
But she did everyone of them in,
them in, she did everyone of them in."

Full lyrics here.

Mephitis said...

I'm afraid your grandfather's rhyme rings a bell with me: only in my grandpa's version it hopped from bough to bough and whistled like a cow.

Chingers said...

My father's favorite:

I saw a birdy in the sky,
He left some whitewash in my eye.
I did not weep, I did not cry.
I just thanked God that cows don't fly.

He still insists on reciting this at the dinner table. Dad was in the Navy, so there are a great many others, though I fear none appropriate to share in a public forum, lest I offend someone's more proper eyes.

WrathofDawn said...

I was taught a slighty different version by a boyfriend (who was, in all other ways, a gentleman).

*ahem*

"There's a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants.
And the men wear glasses,
To see their bare [censored]."

My father, who was also in the Navy (what DID they do to them there?) was fond of reciting odd poems and such, origin unknown, such as the following, which makes its internet debut here:

*ahem!*

"1st man: What a funny bird are a cow!
2nd man: A cow are not a bird! A cow are a animal.
1st man: Yes! But a funny thing about a cow are; a brown cow are give white milk, but a white cow are not give brown milk.
2nd man: What a funny bird are a cow!"

My childhood was a weird place.

My own favourite, from a Mickey Mouse comic book, spoken by Goofy:

"I eat my peas with honey. I've done it all my life. It makes the peas taste funny, but it keeps them on the knife."

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Mr Farty said...

I can remember the first couple of lines of a lullaby my mum used to sing:

Go to sleep my baby,
Close your bloodshot eyes...


It must have worked, because the rest is long gone.

I passed this one on to my daughter:

Nighty night,
Sleep tight,
Don't let the buggies bite.
And if they bite,
Squeeze them tight,
And they'll no' bite another night.


Scared the living bejeezus out of her, as she then had nightmares about her buggy biting her.

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

Dear me dear friends I am crying with laughter! Shall we make a little side page upon which to collect them? Do say we should, and I shall.

Carry on! I am loving it!! Are you?

Anonymous said...

Miss Lucy had a baby
His name was Tiny Tim
She put him in the bathtub
To see if he could swim
He drank up all the water
He ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub
But it wouldn't go down hia throat

Miaa Lucy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven and
The steam boat went to
Hell-o operator
Give my number nine
(mumble-mumble-mumble)
I'll kick your fat
Behing the 'frigerator
There lay a piece of glass
Miss Lucy ran and fell on it
It cut her on her
Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
(mumble-mumble-mumble)
......

That was fun!

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

I am crying with joy!!!!!!!!!

JPM said...

Here is one my Dad's dad taught me.

Well I had a little dog
and he had no sense..
He sat on the porch and he barked at the fence,
so I picked up a stick
and I hit him in the jaw,
and he yelled out a tune like "Turkey in the Straw"
(and then he whistles in the tune of Turkey in the Straw, not unlike Foghorn Leghorn)

This might be accompanied with "getting your banjo played" which is having your arm stretched out and your ribs tickled, as though plucking out "Turkey in the Straw".

loving it.

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

GETTING YOUR BANJO PLAYED!!! Oh sweet Jesus I am weeping.

Round and round the garden
Like a teddy bear
One step, two step
Tickle-y under there.

That one too.

Honestly, this is brilliant. May it go on forever.

Chingers said...

This one is sung to a nice little tune, though it is, perhaps, a tad risque, so please do delete if it offends:

She's East Side, she's West Side,
She's all around the town,
They call her bare-back Gurdie 'cause her drawers are always down.
She doesn't eat salami, she doesn't eat any pork,
'Cause she gets lots of sausage of the sidewalks of New York.

Shocking from such a gentle lady, I know . . .

Salome said...

This is a call-and-answer one: In order to get it right you have to shout the questions in an excessively aggressive manner. I've tried to punctuate it to indicate the shoutiness.

He's my brother-
[who?]
Sylvest!
[what has he got?]
He's got a row of shiny medals on his chest!
[Big chest!]
He killed a thousand zulus in the west - he takes no rest
[bigger the man, stronger the punch, don't push, just shove, plenty of room for you and me]
He's got an arm-
[got an arm!]
like a leg!
[like a leg!]
And a punch that'd sink a thousand ships
[big ships!]
It takes all the army and the naaavy to put the wind up -
[who?]
Sylvest!

There follow some verses about taking a trip to Italy and drinking all the water in the sea, but I can't get them right.

Katy Newton said...

HANG ON JUST A MINUTE. That is NOT the way the "There's a place in France" thing goes. EITHER of them. It goes, as everyone knows, like this:

"There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
It was in the Foreign Legion in a very sexy season
With her long blonde hair
And her boobies hanging there
She said 'Will you rub your belly next to mine?'"

I am glad to have this opportunity to put you all straight. NEXT.

Totty Teabag said...

Tits verse 2:

Dooooooo your tits hang low, do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie em in a bow? Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your tiiiiits haaaaaaaaang lowwwwwwwwwww!

The everlasting story in our house goes like this; (Translated from the Swiss)

There was a man who had a hole in his tooth. In the hole was a box. In the box was a letter that said; There was a man....

Anonymous said...

From my niece:

Blaaaack socks, they never get dirty
The more that you wear them the blacker they get
Sooooome day I think I shall wash them
But something keeps telling me don't do it yet.

From my warped childhood:

(accompanied by a long, looooong story with the song sung at every pause)
Down on the banks of the hanky-pank
A bullfrog jumped from bank to bank
'Cause he'd nuthin' better for to do
Stubbed his toe and fell in the water
You could hear him holler for a mile and a quarter
'Cause he'd nothin' better for to do.

From the deeper parts of my warped childhood:

You'd better not cry, you'd better not shout
You'd better not pout I'm tellin' you why,
Santa Claus is dead.

And:

As I walked out in the streets of Loredo,
As I walked out in Loredo one day,
I spied a young cowboy all dressed in white linen,
Dressed in white linen as cold as they clay.

I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy.
I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy too.
We see by our outfits that we are both cowboys
If you get an outfit you can be a cowboy too.

Further:

Black is the color of my love's true hair
Though her tresses be red as a rose
Black is the color of my love's true hair
And only her hairdresser knows.

Finally:

(with set up comments about folk songs being written by people at the actual historical event)

Hangman, hangman slack your rope
Hangman, hangman slack your rope
Slack it for a
CHLCKKKKKKKKK

Thank yew, I'll be here all night.

Anonymous said...

Oh! Jalishouse reminded me:

Miaa Lucy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven and
The steam boat went to
Hell-o operator
Give me number nine
and if you disconnect me
I'll kick your fat
Behind the 'frigerator
There lay a piece of glass
Miss Lucy sat upon it
It cut her on her
Ask me no more questions
I'll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
Zipping up their
Flies live in the city
Bees live in the hive
The teacher and the preacher
are kissing in the
D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K
dark!

fiona said...

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it very silly
She threw it up into the air
And caught it by the
Willy was a watchdog
Sitting on the grass
Along came a bumble bee and
Stung him on the
Ask no questions, tell no lies
I saw a policeman
Playing with his
Flies are a nuisance
Bees are worse
And that is the end
Of my Chinese verse.

There you are now! And while were on it, can somebody tell me why my Dad always answered a "where" question with "Up in Nelly's room behind the wallpaper"?

Mr Farty said...

In order of rudeness, I give you:

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her bear.

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would fall off.

Mary had a little pig
It wouldn't stop its gruntin'
So she took it down the garden path
And kicked its little $*!@$£

Aye thang yew.

WrathofDawn said...

I stand corrected re the ladies in France. (Not.) I declare regional differences.

And further to Mr. Farty's bedbug song, this is the version my children and I said:

*ahem*

Night, night!
Sleep tight!
Don't let the bedbugs bite!
If they do,
Snap them in two.
Half for me,
And half for you!

[2nd verse created by my older daughter]

And if they do,
Take your shoe,
And beat them 'til they're black and blue...

Black and blue!

In my shoe!

Why yes, she does take after me in the crazy department, why do you ask?

I would love it if you created a side page just for the twisted, deranged songs of our childhoods. And their regional variations.

For instance, we sang, "Do your EARS hang low, do they wobble to and fro..." Very circumspect we were.

misterig said...

The steamboat song caused this to bubble up from the depths of my teenage subconscious - and no, it wasn't sung to me at bedtime. More like a sniggering-behind-the-bikesheds thing.

Shakespeare was a man of wit
And on his shirt he had some jam.
As he was walking by St. Pauls
A woman grabbed him by the elbow.
She said "You look a man of pluck.
Come inside and have a cup of tea.
It may be a tanner, it may be a bob.
It all depends on the size of your cup."

expat said...

Follow up to Mr Farty's Mary had a little lamb post, there is also this version. You do need to be of a certain age to understand it..

Mary had an iron lamb
She milked it with a spanner
The milk came out in shilling cans
And little ones a tanner

This is an inspired thread NWM!

misterig said...

There is a male version of the 'hang low' song. I say no more.

Anonymous said...

I could add American military Jody calls (the things what they shout when they're marching and running and that to keep their little feet going all the same time) but I only know the dirty ones and obviously this group is too innocent for such things.

Mary and her lamb indeed...

Does anyone remember the Diarrhea song?

d34FpUpPy said...

bedtime song: did you ever think when a hearse walked by that someday you are going to die

the worms crawl in the worms crawl out
the worms play pinocle(sp) on your snout

d34FpUpPy said...

little willy
little shaver
found a use for papas razor
sister razed, too young to shave
now they're digging sisters grave

Paul said...

Do playground rhymes count?
How about "Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, what are these?"
(pulling eyes sideways and down, sideways and up, pointing to knees, pointing to nipples)
or
"Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate's made!"
(Pointing to each nipple in turn, then crotch, then bottom...)

Anonymous said...

Napoleon dans la cuisine (2x)
Brassait la soupe avec sa pine (2x)
La cuisinière, en beau calvaire
Varge dessus avec une cuillère
Ah, Ah, son of a bitch
Ote ta graine de ma sandwich !

Miss Tickle said...

Nighty nighty sweet repose
Lie on your back and you won't hurt your nose.

Anxious said...

To the tune of "Frère Jacques"

"School dinners
School dinners
Burnt baked beans
Burnt baked beans
Soggy Semolina
Soggy Semolina
I feel sick
Water quick
It's too late
I've done it on the plate..."

And there was one we used to sing in the school bus:

"Oh you'll never get to heaven
(Oh you'll never get to heaven)
On a Playtex bra
(On a Playtex bra)
Cos a Playtex bra
(Cos a Playtex bra)
Won't stretch that far
(Won't stretch that far)..."

Anxious said...

Oh, and my brother used to sing us (his three sisters) delightful songs, like "Brown stain in your pants" (to the tune of "Brown girl in the ring").

Anonymous said...

Is this one purely an American problem?

On top of spagEEEEHHHHHti
All covered with cheese
I lost my poor meat ball
When somebody sneezed

It rolled off the tAAAYble
And onto the floor
And then my poor meat ball
Rolled right out the door

It rolled in the GAAAARden
And under a bush
And then my poor meat ball
Was nothing but mush

Second (more popular) version:

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a red rubber band

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
How could anyone miss her?
She was forty feet wide.

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw roses
But I threw grenades.

Sort of... explains a bit more about Americans does it?

Anonymous said...

Oh they don't amount to much
the irish and the dutch
but haroooo
for the Scandinoovian!

Irene said...

Uhm, I'm Dutch, should I be insulted now along with the Irish? Nah, I'm a big girl, I can take that.

Michelle said...

Songs like this (below) were always sung to elaborate hand-jive games in my childhood. (I'm not sure what they're really called--different memorized patterns of clapping and touching to the beat of nthe song.)

Down by the banks of the hankity pank
The bullfrogs jump from bank to bank
With an eeps, ipes, opps, opes,
And land on a lily with a big ker-PLOP.

Anyone else remember those hand-clapping games?

Erin said...

Here's some Canadian content rhyme for you:

William Lyon Mackenzie King
Sat in the middle and played with string
Loved his mother like anything
William Lyon Mackenzie King

by Dennis Lee.

Mostly used to remember the tenth prime minister's full name.

Lisa W said...

Spring has sprung
The grass is riss
I wonder where them burdies is?
Them burdies are on the wing -
But that's absurd
Because, of course,
The wing is on the bird!

Anonymous said...

Time for my NWM blog debut I think! I would have posted earlier, but being the Ultimate Embodiment of Non-Working-ness, I couldn't be arsed. Or I might just be lazy.

Anyhow, to the ditty:
Old Mother Brown had a cow,
To milk it, she didn't know how,
She pulled its tail for its tit,
And got a face full of (pause for dramtic effect)lollipops!

With thanks to my dear departed Granddad Bob.

NWM, you are a comedy genius and I salute you.

Rosie said...

Here is what I thought would be a quick rhyme from my long lost Granddad in St Helens, but after scanning 51 comments to see if you already have a version, its taking rather longer than I thought it would.
I was courting a girl and her name was Miss Brown,
She was in the bath and she wouldn't come down,
I said slip on something and do be quick,
So she slipped on the soap and was down in a tick.
He used to shout it at me in a broad Lancashire accent at the top of his voice because he was stone deaf.

Anonymous said...

I remember a lot of these from school recesses-- rhyming songs for handclaps or skipping rope.

This one was popular for double dutch games

Coca Cola went to town.
Diet Pepsi shot him down.
Dr.Pepper fixed him up.
Now we're drinking 7up.
7up got the flu.
Now we're drinking Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew fell off a mountain. Now we're drinking from a fountain.
In no time the fountain broke.
And now we're back to drinking coke.

Ah the power of advertising.

asta

Lilly said...

When asked about his childhood memories my grandfather would always reply:

"If yoo vont to buy a vatch, BUY a vatch!
If yoo DON'T vant to buy a vatch then get your snotty nose off mah VINdow!"

The story goes that this comment was directed at him as he stared through a watchmakers window as a little boy.

It's not very funny I suppose, but I like the visuals.

JadeMonkee said...

Here are a few ditties that my Yorkshireman Grandad taught me as a child:

(recited like the cat peeing rhyme noted above, and usually upon hearing a fart; his or otherwise)
"Hark, hark, I hear thunder
must o' been the peas I had last sunda'
Quick, quick, the lavvie keys,
too late, too late, it's running down my knees."

As children we thought it hilarious to add a final line
"and it smells like vegemite cheese."

I'm not sure what that meant.


Another little ditty went like this (with an accompanying dance):
"I like to go swimmin
with bow-legged wimmin
and swim (breif pause) through (brief pause)their legs."

And then there was the classic:
"If you see a little bunny and his nose is very runny and you think it's very funny, well it's not"

Just say it quickly.

Dang. I'm sure I had more to share, but I can only think of those three... disappointed peanut.

nuttycow said...

How about...

I went to a chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread bread bread.
He wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what he said said said.

My name is Elvis Prestley
Girls are sexy
Sitting in the back seat
Drinking Pepsi
Five days later
They got married
Baby carriage...

and I can't remember the rest! Always accompanied with some hand clapping thingy.

nuttycow said...

Oh dear.. I've just thought of another one...

Anyone heard this?

Caesar aderat forte
Pompey adsum jam
Caesar sic in omnibus
Pompey in isat

Mr Farty said...

Upon releasing, er, pent-up-wind:

Pardon me for being so rude
It wasn't me, it was my food

(then depending upon which end)

It just popped up to say hello
And now it's gone back down below

(or)

Something in my belly parted
That's the reason why I farted!

Beans, beans, they're good for your heart
The more you eat, the more you fart
The more you fart, the better you feel
Beans, beans, with every meal!

Birchsprite said...

One from my northern irish childhood...

She was going over Coleraine mountain
When the chain on her motorbike broke
She was found in the grass
With the mudguard up her arse
And her tits playing dixie on the spokes

Singing aye aye yippie yippie aye
Singing aye aye yippie
The boys are f*****g hippies
Singing aye aye yippie yippie aye

One Fine Weasel said...

Megan! Were you meaning this one?

What do you do when you want to go to poo
(Diarrhoea, diarrhoea)
Pull down your pants and paralyse the ants
(Diarrhoea, diarrhoea)

I too suffered the Meatball Song in my surburban English childhood.

Could I offer up for inspection the following 'clapping' rhyme:

A sailor went to sea sea sea
To see what he could see see see
But all that he could see see see
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea

Plenty more where that came from...

Anonymous said...

From monkeyfather (can't remember my Google/Blogger password)

Two silly, and one to help us learn English Monarchs, which NWM may or not remember, ahem...

Fart, fart good for the heart,
Keeps the mind at ease;
Warms the bed on a winters night
And suffocates the fleas

and next...

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Tried to crap but only farted;
Then one day I took a chance,
Tried to fart but filled my pants!

and finally(or something like it)and slightly less silly...

Willy, Willy, Harry, Ste,
Harry, Dick, John, Harry three,
One, two, three Eds, Richard two,
Henries four, five, six – then who?
Edwards four, five, Dick the bad,
Harries twain and Ned the lad,
Mary, Bessie, James the vain,
Charlie, Charlie, and then James again,
William & Mary, Anna Gloria,
Four Georges, William then Victoria,
Edward, George, then Ned the eighth
(who quickly goes and abdicates,
leaving George, then Liz the two,
and with Charlie next it’s then him too.

That’s the way our monarchs lie
since Harold got it in the eye!

That's yer lot for now...readers will be pleased to read I shall save the one to learn French verbs which take 'etre' in the 'passé composé' for another time.

Pip, pip

Totty Teabag said...

Don't keep us in suspense too long Père de Singe...

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

God it gets better every day. Loving the monarchs, Pappa C.

Yours, in paroxysms of delight,

NWM

Anonymous said...

One Fine Weasel - Ours went (baseball=American remember):

When you're sliding into first
And you feel something burst
Diarrhoea...Diarrhoea

When you steal second base
And you're creaming up the place
Diarrhoea... Diarrhoea

When you're rouding into third
And you lay a juicy turd
Diarrhoea... Diarrhoea

When you're sliding into home
And your pants are full of foam
Diarrhoea... Diarrhoea

There was another verse about climbing a ladder and hearing a pitter-patter but I've never been able to work out why one would climb a ladder in the middle of a ball game.

When returning home from a trip we always heard two songs:

We're here because we're here because we're here because we're HEEEEEERE we're here because we're here because we're here because we're here (to Auld Lang Syne)

and

Put your shoes on Susie
Don't you know you're in the city?

Anonymous said...

okay totty teabag, you asked for it (and I know this is now off- brief for 'Songs Of My Childhood'), but think rhythm when you say this to yourself...

Nâitre, Arriver, Entrer, Venir
Rester, Retourner, Allez, Partir
Sortir, Tomber, Décéder, Mourir
Monter, Descendre, reflexives add here...

Before the smart arses point it out, I know Passer, Rentrer, Devenir, Revenir and others are missing, and don't ask me why. I guess these are the most common.

There was another DR & MRS P. VANDERTRAMP. Think about it!

Totty Teabag said...

Muchas gracias Monkeydad; Very logical and easy to remember... birth to death and points thereafter...

One Fine Weasel said...

Oh dear. I have just remembered this one. It was a round in two parts, usually sung on long school bus journeys.

I went to the animal fair
The birds and the bees were there
By the light of the moon the big baboon
Was combing his golden hair
The monkey fell out of his bunk
{BAM!)
And slid down the elephant's trunk
(WHEE!)
The elephant sneezed and fell on his knees
But what became of the monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey...

(the monkey bit was then repeated while the second group sang the verse)

Please tell me I didn't dream this.

One Fine Weasel said...

Oooh! And what about

There were ten in the bed and the little one said
Roll over roll over
So they all rolled over and one fell out

There were nine in the bed and the little one said
Roll over roll over
So they all rolled over and one fell out...

Etc. Sorry. I'll stop now.

Totty Teabag said...

...and that brings us round nicely to:
Ten green bottles hanging on the wall...

Anonymous said...

Totty Teabag - only ten? We always started with at least 100, and were usually whalloped by 97. Also they were bottles of beer on the wall...

I've just remembered this classic:

Great green gobs of
Greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat [sorry!]
Chopped up little birdy feet
Two slimy eyeballs
Rolling down a dirty street
I forgot to bring my spoon

Totty Teabag said...

From my childrens' childhood:

Nobody likes me,
Everybody hates me,
Guess I'll go and eat worms.

Long, thin, slimy ones,
Short, fat, juicy ones,
Itsy, bitsy, fuzzy wuzzy worms.

Down goes the first one,
Down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm.

Up comes the first one,
Up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm

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