Yes. Today is the happy day. I have decided on a new way of making money without doing much work (and certainly not any difficult work!): I am going to be a "life coach". I have been doing quite a lot of research and one thing is clear: as I have no qualifications in any of the (acknowledged, accredited) therapies, no track record of (personal) business success, have made no provision for a secure financial future and have a sock drawer most people would be ashamed of, I am completely qualified to tell other people what to do.
Whilst I consider how to "re-brand" myself, do please write in with your problems and/or questions. They will provide the 'meat on the bones', as it were, for my first free, online life coaching session, which will appear tomorrow.
Pip pip!
"Famous Life Coach, Non-workingmonkey" (as I will soon be known!!!)
13 comments:
I have recently developed an unholy fascination with cheese. Please help! Yours hopefully and over-lactosed...
There is this guy who is hanging around my lab quite a lot and they want me to think he is a new colleague of mine. However, his obnoxiousness, clam-like social skills and immature 14-year old behaviour clearly prove that he isn't. So why hasn't anybody thrown him through a window yet? I am too weak and frail to do it myself, what should I do? (Swearing at him spectacularly in French has already been suggested, and tried, not to much effect though).
I have often wondered about the increased need in our society for life coaches. What will you charge? I may be one too.
I have a daughter who is good-looking, amusing, intelligent and highly-educated, yet she seems directionless at the moment.
She seems to have an idea for a new career every day of the week, but never settles down to anything except writing her weblog which, while amusing, is hardly a job!
I do hope you can help.
signed: a worried mother
Could you be the life coach of a manic depressive person who ultra rapid cycles? If you can, I will hire you. How much would you charge? I am a nonworking blogger.
dear non-working life coach monkey:
pleaes ltell me how i, too, can not work and yet afford chips. that would make me very happy. i will send you $5.
sincerely,
laurie
Everyone (apart from Irene and MonkeyMother) - please come back later today for the answer to your questions, or at least some 'starters for ten'.
Sweet Irene - I do not know. How bad are the extremes? And do you have other sources of advice and kindnesses? If so, we shall create a 'support group' and you will be so distracted by how ghastly we all are that you will forget to have a cycle.
Monkeymother - you say 'well educated' but I do not think home schooling (in a box, encouraged with twigs and monkey nuts) counts! (Also do not worry. A 'President' of an advertising agency has just electronically emailed me to ask me if I might meet him for breakfast tomorrow at 9!!!)
Also, I do have a direction. it is pointing towards the central vacuum system and it is really great.
Shall you be finding four mice and converting your half-pumpkin into a coach so that you can go to the breakfast to meet your president?
How can I have a five day weekend and a two day week?
I am assuming that being a life coach is a bit like Extreme Makeover, yes? In which case I would like to be Britney Spears pre Kevin Federline please. Cheers.
PS I hope you aren't one of those life coaches that's obsessed with Jamie Oliver's fat tongue. I had to chop one of those up into tiny monkey pieces only last week.
See, Monkey do, or something?
That could be your mission statement.
Dear NWM lifecoach,
I seem to spend more time at work reading weblogs then actually working. Does this make me technically non-working?
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