Only yesterday, Beaver the Beaver and I were in the Canada. Beaver the Beaver was mainly sitting in the car being driven around, or building dams; he spent some time hiding in the fridge, perched briefly on a pair of Sturdy Shoes and had a lie down in my sponge bag. He even had a little shower. Overall, Beaver the Beaver had a lovely time in Canada. So did I. Yesterday afternoon I watched a pathologist feed squirrels with his own bare hands, and then imitate the Krispy Kernels boy with the use of a slice of gherkin and his Mind. In return, I offered him sight of a Badger when he comes to Blighty. (Anyone know where I can see a badger? Don't say 'London Zoo', and stuffed doesn't count. Much.)
But Beaver the Beaver has been in sharp decline today. I left him reading the Moon Guide to Montreal when I went to The Shop (where I was bought fabric conditioner and cat food for Fat Bastard Cat who, unfortunately, did not die when I was away), but this was the sorry scene that greeted my return: Beaver the Beaver staring out of the window, listening to Radiohead.
A tragic scene, I am sure you will agree. But how do you cheer up a homesick Beaver? There is only one answer. One of the few Good Things about Blighty (apart from Radio 4) comes in a jar with a yellow lid.
See how cheery he is now! Now I do not have to worry about Beaver the Beaver. All of this means one thing and one thing only: tomorrow, normal service will be resumed, including some discussion of the question on everyone's lips, namely: What the fuck is a "hot beverage system"?
6 comments:
Do you mind if the badger is dead? There are plenty on the roadsides around these parts.
How does Beaver the Beaver get on with your cat?
I knew food would work.
thank god you're back.
I'm off to Devon next week, I'm sure I can find you a badger there, just before a farmer gasses it or pans its head in or shoots it. I do own a badger puppet. but you're not having him. he's my friend.
or maybe I could get you a mole (in similar circumstances) and paint it? i can paint nice straight lines.
That's one massive jar of Marmite, how do you get the lid off? Or is he a Borrower Beaver?
A hot beverage system? I offer a cracking looking dude with a fit bottom serving in Starbucks as my opening gambit -although that is rare thing indeed, almost as rare as sighting the Brixton Beaver.
Welcome home cookie!
What's marmite?
Dear Dear tracy lynn, you have so much to absorb and indeed look forward to. I don't know exactly where you're from, but if it's The Americas, then the last person I ever saw from The Americas who tasted Marmite ran 150 meters (yards approx) down the garden and threw up, poor poor misguided boy.
Post a Comment