When you are fat, you cannot:
- ride horses very fast in a way that might bring on sudden death
- jump off very high walls without spraining your ankle
- walk around naked and not care
- wear a swimming costume without worrying about other peoples' lunch being regurgitated
- ever feel unselfconscious unless drunk and/or off your tits
- be the centre of attention
- not feel slightly grateful to the person you're going out with
- ever, ever, look or feel as good as you could do
- chase ruffians very far if they steal your phone from your hand
- wear jeans without looking like a twat
- wear short sleeved anything without looking revolting
- wear Paul Smith clothes
- dance without looking a bit odd
- do half the things you want to
- do cartwheels
- do handstands
- stop people from saying: "but you're so PRETTY", like you haven't got your own eyes in your head
- stop people from saying: "you're not FAT! You're just ... BIG!"
- avoid euphemisms like 'big', 'big girl' 'larger lady', etc, when in fact they mean, er, fat
- stop people from saying "but you're tall, and in proportion!" (Juggernauts are in proportion, as are hippopotami - know what I'm saying?)
- avoid being slightly startled once you've thought 'she's fat' about someone you see in the street, then remembering you're fat too.
I am fat. It's shit. I've had enough. My stomach looks like someone glued it on as a joke. It is awful. My thighs are the work of Satan. My upper arms are the Mecca of bingo wings. Yeah yeah, I was ill, blah blah. All true. But I haven't tried hard enough. And that's what I'm going to do for the rest of the year. Or at least until I can wear jeans without looking like a twat.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Day 9: I Realise Something Very Obvious
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4 comments:
Being fat sucks, i know a thing or two about it. As a motivation, you can tell yourself that if you manage to lose it, the benefit to your life will be so transforming that it will render puny and trivial any suffering you will incur in the process. There is no comparison between a few months of deprivation and a life-time of being able to look at yourself without cringing.
- end of lame pep talk -
You. Thank you for your comment. I think you love me a bit, don't you? I know I love you a bit.
xx
PS seriously. I know. That's why I'm doing it. Enough already, know what I mean?
Of course I love you, honeybuns. I'm here, aren't I ?
But drop the gluey muffins. Veggies is the way to go.
JB
(Please Note: fried Mars bar no longer considered a veggie).
I opened your page as an external window after happening upon you through BlogExplosion, loved your writing & intended to read more - & then the phone rang & I left my computer for awhile. I swear I wasn't staring at your page for an hour or however long it was! Boy is my face fat, I mean, red. Fat too. I'm fat. & your writing is awesome.
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